Why am I so happy to date a guy who has a daughter
It’s so complicated dating an adult. As a teenager, you always end up dating people in your group of friends. You get installed by a friend of a friend. Maybe you meet at school, at camp, or at a party – life is simple and everything is so low risk. Then you grow up. Now we are these adults (ish) trying to find someone to guide us through this rainbow road in Mario Kart. We all fall to the sides.
When I first came back to the dating scene, I was so lost that I didn’t even know where to start. Summarize myself in three sentences or less for a dating app? Pick five photos of me that look good? It was stressful. I felt like I always had to be “interesting” and “sure”. It also made me think a lot about the possibility of dating.
When I started use apps, I realized that I was at that age when a lot of people were old enough to have a great story. Like, I wasn’t just at the age where guys had exes – I was at the age where guys had ex-wives. Some with a child. Some with several children.
I was worried that I would not be well enough to fit into an existing family and that dating someone with a child would be so deeply difficult and difficult. Then I met a guy on Hinge.
I always said that I didn’t want to get into a relationship with someone who already had kids. It was just one of those rules you checked off when you started to think about who you want to start dating. It’s not that I don’t like children – I love them – it’s that I didn’t want to be enveloped in potential drama that can come with co-parenting. I was also terrified of becoming an “evil mother-in-law” figure in a child’s life. I was worried that I would not be well enough to fit into an existing family and that dating someone with a child would be so deeply difficult and difficult.
Then I met a guy on Hinge.
We teamed up and after chatting for a while on the app, I gave him my number. He didn’t have a picture with kids on his profile, and he didn’t mention having kids when we texted. But there was an instant connection between us every time we spoke. We texted several times a week and then it became a daily thing. We were sharing jokes, stories about our day, and bonding around our mutual love for pop-punk and early 2000s skate trends. After a month, we finally decided to date.
I never bought into the “when you know, you know” kind of story, but when we got out something clicked. Everything felt good. I felt like the energy of my life had aligned and my aura had changed. If I didn’t believe in love at first sight, it was something that could make me a believer.
After having dinner we went for coffee and noticed a tattoo on his arm. Jokingly I asked if that was another girl’s name, and. . . it was. It turns out he had a daughter. A red light went on in my head like a siren. I immediately thought, “Sh * t.” All those sparks, and now I find out he has a child? There were a thousand questions going through my mind and I wanted to ask them all of them, but this was our first date. Was it going to push us too fast? What happens when he invites me home? What about her ex? It was as if my head was a merry-go-round and no one was pushing the stop button.
I’m not going to lie, I was hesitating. I’ve always said I don’t want to date someone with kids. Children can complicate matters. There’s another person in our relationship – it’s never just us. There will always be a third. Someone to always consider. Someone to always take into account. In a whole new relationship, it scared me. I wasn’t just dating him, I was dating him and his daughter.
With all of my reservations and a long list of questions, something inside me told me to jump. So I did. Two years later, jumping was the best decision I have ever made.
Dating someone with a child has changed me and made me a better person. It opened my eyes to the fact that everything is not as it seems, that sometimes the way you think things will be is not always what they really are. My boyfriend’s daughter has brought so much love, light and wisdom into my life. That little ray of sunshine, in all its 6 year glory, made me a more patient, empathetic and thoughtful person. She showed me that I can be a positive role model and a great friend. That I can be flexible and understanding. And finally, when we’re ready, I’ll be a fantastic mother to our own children as well.
The three of us created our own world with our own jokes and laughs. We took on new adventures and made memories. And the more I watch him love her, the more I fall in love with him. Seeing him as a father makes me realize how amazing he is, beyond just loving me.
I was there, guessing, rechecking and resisting it all, not knowing how much joy and astonishment it would bring to my world. It’s true, I’m not just go out with him, I also go out with his daughter. But, my god, I wouldn’t want it any other way.